blog - Golden Days

Hello blogirls. This is the last post I'll write from my laggy scratched up school chromebook. I've written probably tens (or even hundreds) of blog posts in this little plastic box. I guess things are coming into perspective. I'm not sure. Just the way I felt about middleschool as highschool began Junior and other years are beginning to feel. Even this year. It's all behind me. I've loved this place, and hated it too. It was such an experience that I could never justify driving it down to one or two words to describe. I'm told simultaniously that this (and all the rest of it) is such a big deal, and nothing. And not. My mind fills up with the contradictions that are everyone elses opinions. I've only been with these people for four years, most of them far less. Four years really isn't much, but if you like playing with stats, if you're eighteen when you gradute high school its about 22% of your life. That's just shy of a quarter. About the age of five is when you start to remember things. If you take those four years where there are little to no memories (even though I can remember archaic bits and pieces, such as my fourth birthday) out of the mix then high school is 28% of life. That's a bigger chunk for sure. I mean, I've spent 72% of my life, AND ALL MY LIFE I CAN REMEMBER in the public school system. That's a lot. Now it's just done. I mean, I still have five or six ish years of college I'm gonna do, but that's different. I'm paying for that.
All this is just numbers though. In reality it's the feelings that are gonna matter the most in my mind. A number is just a stale symbol. I'm gonna miss the friendships and the feelings of high school. I'm gonna miss the certainty.
I'm gonna promise myself right now that these weren't the golden years of my life. I don't think I'll ever have golden years. There is only years, and they all have too much complexity to nail down to being the good old days. Just wonderful days sewn through all the threads of time. It'll always be different after today, and that is okay. I'd love to end this clean and tidy, but that's just not life. I'm still going to be writing blog posts. I'm still me, even if I've made being a highschooler a part of my identity. I'll figure things out. That's the journey. I'll always enjoy the silver linings.

-Jemma, 5/16/25