Blog Archive

January and February were Sisters Beloved - 2/2/25

Yesterday I simply could not come around to February. It felt too soon to be true, and suddenly January felt so sincerely attractive. January and her charming wit, January and her devil smile, January and her crushing heel. A heel could cut through the heart. A heel could stab through the foot. A heel could pierce the brain, lobotomizing. January and her passive beauty, yet keen cruelity. You could never trust January to be what you expected. Each of her lovers, as few as they may be, expected evil yet recieved benevolence. Her bitter cold bit their hearts, but they knew they liked it.
And now here comes February, juvenille and wild. Here comes February, January's unwanted sister. What ever shall we do with poor January in the prescence of her kin? She just seems to be so pathetic. February was the cat's pajamas. February was a crowd pleaser, an empathetic soul to all who thought they knew her. As with all to be loved by many, February had her foes, but in her over abundant love how could she let this slow her down? Only January truly despised her, everybody else only would until she got them to come around.

-Jemma, 2/2/25

Sure Does Seem to Be - 2/4/25

It's always the worst when bad word gets round about people you know and you know it's true. You can't help but feel bad, but isn't the truth always the best? Ten people could sit in a room and all know the truth, and not say a word. It's like Jack White said; the truth doesn't make a noise. There's a certain burning tension when two know something-they both know it-but nobody says a thing. Words almost feel better melting on the tongue- but you can't leave them there too long! Let them sit and they'll slip back down your throat. We can't have that, can we?
You'd think by now we'd have some sort of medicine to cure a troubled mind. We don't! All the old folks always want a pill. Take them to the doctor to get their pills. Back ache? Pill. Heart ache? Pill. Stomach ache, tooth ache, mind ache, ache ache? Pills. Maybe I ought to try it, but I know I won't.

-Jemma, 2/4/25

Guestbook Goblins - 2/6/25

Hello webjems, it's Jemma! My faith in the internet has been restored! I've gotten two very kind messages on the guestbook, one of which made me remember why I do all this blogging stuff anymore. At first, I was always blogging to process things that were going on in my life (such as very difficult times and changing identity). Then I got all crazy about like,"Oh my God, the internet is not a safe place and I should not be sharing this much information about me on it," moment. I still mostly feel like that, and now I write a lot more in my diary, but I still like to keep up the blog as a positive and artistic space. Mel posted a message on the guestbook that warmed my heart, saying the site was refreshing and what they needed. That, my beautiful readers, is exactly what I hope this is. I want it to be that for myself, and I'm glad it's that way for others too. They also said they hope I survive to be a crazy cat lady. I hope I survive too! I love hearing from yall, it makes my day. Anyways, have a wonderful Wednesday netizens!

-Jemma, 2/6/25

Teenage Rebel With Lots of Time - 2/7/25

OH MY GOD IT'S FRIDAY AHHHHHHH. Hello internet. I had like eight things I needed to go on my computer for and then I forgot all of them. Now I'm just here and I'm just writing this blog post. I desperately want to go do something today, but I have neither a clue what to do or a will to go do it. But also. I don't know. I don't know why I'm all hyped up. Maybe I'll just watch more TV. I like watching TV. Last night I was watching Shrinking and Abbott Elementary, and then yesterday morning I was watching Gravity Falls and Star vs the Forces of Evil (those two shows are my childhood). In light of this not knowing what to do, I am cleaning up space on my laptop. I have a bunch of apps and random shit I don't really use that I want to get off of here. I'll probably also move a bunch of stuff to my hard drive. I'm also thinking about buying a second hard drive to have a double back up in case my hard drive breaks, or atleast an sd card. I should really just print all my photos, but if I do that I want to scrap book them really nicely, and that is a bigger project. For that I must plan. Anyways, I think I'm close to hitting max capacity blog post. Yall r the best, stay that way! Byeee!

-Jemma, 2/7/25

Dirt Bomb - 2/8/25

It doesn't take too much to really burn out, but in a real hot way. It's like digging your car into the side of a dirty snowbank, but knowing you're alright, or swerving it in a 360 on the road and just hitting the road back again. Tomorrow I work, the next day who knows what. Today I did a lot but so little. Tonight I might drink a little less than half a liter of Cherry Cola and watch a movie or something. For now I'm crashed out on the couch and about to eat (hopefully) half a pizza. This is the side of my soul I bare to the internet today.

-Jemma, 2/8/25

Weary - 2/10/25

Who really knows? I don't. There's so much I don't ever know. There's so much information for now that I take forgranted, a million thoughts and whispers, all of which future me will dig for like a needle in a haystack. Needlessly and relentlessly I'll sift and sort through what I think will reveal my thoughts, only to fail, as it is is like searching for a needle in a haystack. Needle in a haystack.
I don't feel that I ask you, the readers, very much very often. What I ask of you today is to try and remember. Don't try and remember in a feeling or frenzy, but rather a fact. Recall what happened, even if you can't. I try, but I cannot succeed. I say I cannot, but I know that marginally I have. Marginally I recover and replace thoughts. I must remember this is just what I need. This is what I will need. This is where I leave you my beloved readers. Open your eyes and let the sunshine in, even if you cannot see it.

-Jemma, 2/10/25

Excerpt from Diary - 2/12/25

There's a certain mystique in the air, or perhaps my mind. There's a certain question on my tongue, although I'll never ask.
I know now that these are the documents, the ancient texts of tomorrow, of which I will someday search for clues of a no longer modern day. I write in the high and crazy times of twenty twenty five, a time of great change and growt. I come to this page in the first half of the twenty first century, the dawn of a century and the midst of a decade.

-Jemma, 2/12/25

On a more personal note.. - 2/16/25

The past two days have been two of the best following some of the not the best. It's been great. Yesterday was the equivilent of prom to me, for a high school dance. I got to wear what I want (a beautiful sparkly dress, full face of makeup, high ass heels, and fish nets), because I'm literally just a girl. All around me people accepted me and treated me like I was just another one of the girls. It was everything I wanted, and it went amazing. It was the best experience I've ever had at a school dance. In the past, loneliness and harassment followed me round every corner. This year I was safe and thriving. I say it is like prom for me because it provided all this. Prom won't be the same, but I will remember this as the dance to keep close to my heart, the ideal, and the official centerpiece of my high school experience.

-Jemma, 2/16/25

good riddance - 2/17/25

its really easy to reflect on a moment when you know it was bad, but you thought it was what you wanted. when the moment was everything, and changed everything, but nearly ended everything. when you compromise it all for poison. do you remember a time before the red, purple, and blue? of course you dont. you werent there, reader. i wasn't hardly either. all i feel of it is a dull, flat pain. that summer changed me. no matter where i run to 2023 was the year everything changed. i faced changes in 2024 too, just different. there were two blue rooms, one theirs neither mine. there was a tv only to play static, and a carpet to make you crazy. there was posters on the walls. there were eyes and ears too. i was told to pull over the car. the vomit hit the ground, and i took the blame. there were two blue rooms before the school year you. there were two blue rooms. soon the summer Fell to Fall, and i began to Get up and Run, only 2 b Watched. 2 b Watched on my own site. 2 have 2 Change it 2. 2 run, and Be found. now, theres just 2 blue rooms and a couple of photographs.

-Jemma, 2/17/25

Love, for which I am Thankful - 2/19/25

I was hesitant at first to welcome in the breath of [love]'s air, but now it's romantic buzz entoxicates my tongue. I had sneaking suspicions of what was left unsaid, but seeing it in action was something else. It feels as though all has been exposed, and a new dynamic has been added to the mix. Alas, this is [a day after days past], and much has happened since. Luckily it['s only a day] before once again I am greeted by my love's soft tongue and soothing smile. No matter what is said it is only us who can define [that] which we have found. We are the ones who live it, control it, and breath it. It is our[s], we spoke it into existence. It is said that we love for God loved us first, but I believe that God is the love. Love is the greatest. Love is the strongest. Love, as they say, conquers all. It is love, God, I have found with this Goddess.
Excerpt from diary entry February second, 2025. Edited for relevance.

-Jemma, 2/19/25

The Descent - 2/20/25

I can kind of feel my reality slipping. Although the blog may not show it, I've been writing a lot. Usually I just write at school, but yesterday I even did at home. I've been writing a lot of really me shit so I've been keeping it off the blog. I mean, all of the posts I make on here I still really personal, but they're usually quite cryptic. I haven't done one of these posts in a few days I think. Or, not days, but posts. It's been a few posts. I'm sort of thinking of adding some stuff back to the site. First off, maybe a little button marquee on the bottom. I've kind of cut off from connection with other sites since I did this update (aside from three friends). If you subscribe to the belief of a lot of old web and retro webbers (such as melonking), you'd believe that this is bad. You need to have that connection. I think there's something liminal and beyond all about web dead ends. It's like you've reached the end, and it brings you to ask what next. I also have other ideas for the site, but first I need to come back to reality. My creative process has been a bit strong. I'll see you tomorrow?

-Jemma, 2/20/25